Paul Maden

Bone Me!

The Internet's long lost property room

Women's English

"Yes"
No.
"No"
Yes.
"Maybe"
No.
"I'm sorry"
You'll be sorry.
"We need"
I want.
"It's your decision"
The correct decision should be obvious by now.
"Do what you want"
You'll pay for this later.
"We need to talk"
I need to complain.
"Sure… go ahead"
I don't want you to.
"I'm not upset"
Of course I'm upset, you moron!
"You're… so manly"
You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
"You're certainly attentive tonight"
Is sex all you ever think about?
"Be romantic, turn out the lights"
I have flabby thighs.
"This kitchen is so inconvenient"
I want a new house.
"I want new curtains"
…and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper….
"Hang the picture there"
NO, I mean hang it there!
"I heard a noise"
I noticed you were almost asleep.
"Do you love me?"
I'm going to ask for something expensive.
"How much do you love me?"
I did something today you're really not going to like.
"I'll be ready in a minute"
Kick off your shoes and find a good game on the T.V.
"Is my butt fat?"
Tell me I'm beautiful.
"You have to learn to communicate"
Just agree with me.
"Are you listening to me!?"
[Too late, you're dead.]
"Was that the baby?"
Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
"I'm not yelling!"
Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

Disclaimer: Use at your own risk. Don't take any of this site seriously, it's not advice, nor is it a manual.